Dr. Mildred Muhammed on being hunted by her husband

Dr. Mildred Muhammad knows the weight of survival. As the ex-wife of convicted D.C. Sniper John Muhammad, she lived through years of psychological and emotional abuse before discovering that the 2002 terror attacks that gripped Washington were part of an elaborate plan to kill her.

In the new Investigation Discovery documentary Hunted by My Husband, Muhammad reclaims her narrative, placing her story of survival at the center for the first time. Now a global keynote speaker and certified domestic violence advocate, she transforms her trauma into a mission to help others recognize and escape invisible abuse.

How did it feel to finally reclaim your narrative and share your truth on your own terms?

It felt amazing because for so long, I felt that everyone was trying to erase myself and my children and everything that we went through prior to his arrival in this area.

What went through your mind the moment you realized that the man you once loved was intentionally hunting you down?

The prosecutor and law enforcement stated that the theory behind him coming here was to create a diversion, to kill innocent people, to cover up my murder, so that he could come in as the grieving father and gain custody of our children. At that time, they were also giving $100,000 to the victims of the sniper. So he would have been able to retrieve those funds and get the children.

John told me earlier that, “you have become my enemy and as my enemy, I will kill you.” I was in hiding for two years before this even started. He had already taken the children into the bank accounts, trying to kill me. I knew it was going to be a headshot because he said, “one shot, one kill to the head, never leave a hand in the knee behind.” So he already told me that I already know if he kills me, he’s going to bury me somewhere where no one would be able to find me. The problem was I didn’t have physical scars and nobody would look at me.

What was the hardest part of reliving this story on camera and what gave you the strength to do it?

I’ve been sharing my story for the last 20 years. I am completely healed from every emotion that could possibly come up. I’ve been asked every question that there is to ask. When I speak about my story, I’m actually energized because I know that after telling my story, somebody is going to hear it. Somebody is going to look at their lives and say, “I can do this, I can leave.” “Let me go through this process.” “Let me be strategic in how I leave. Let me move in silence.”

Can you talk about the unseen side of domestic violence and why those wounds can be just as devastating?

Well, we know that every nine to 15 seconds a woman is abused, but we don’t talk about the one to eight seconds that’s there before the nine to 15. It’s not that an abuser comes in and just automatically hits you. What happens is they have to lower your guard and it starts with a verbal assault. It is what I say and it’s how you interpret what I say. Then it goes to economic, psychological, spiritual, because sometimes they find new scripture to keep you in check, and stalking and strangulation.

That’s a physical, but the one to eight seconds are unfortunately abuses that do not raise to the level of law enforcement to get involved. So at that point, you’re really on your own. You have to use discernment as you move forward in how you’re going to respond to the abuser, because I don’t have to attend every fight that I’m invited to.

Abuse is never the fault of the person that is being victimized. It is never your fault. I don’t care what you’ve done. It is never your fault!

What are some early warning signs of coercive control that you wish more people recognized?

Those abuses start real subtle. For example, when you met this person, you were wearing makeup, you were the bomb.com, right? And then all of a sudden, “why are you wearing all that makeup? I mean, why are you dressing that way?” That’s the little chipping away at your self-esteem, chipping away at who you are as a person. That’s where it starts.

Now it gets to, “well, why are you going out with your friends all the time?” “You know, they don’t like you, right?” “You know, I’m the only one that loves you, right?” “Why don’t we move somewhere else where we can start fresh?” “That way it’ll feel like ours and it won’t feel just like yours.”

Then you have those who find out that you want to leave this relationship, it’s not working. You get pregnant. Now I’m attached to you for 17 years and that’s the way I want it so that I can just come by your place whenever I feel like it. I can use the child as manipulation to get you to do what I want to do until you get strong enough and decide that I love myself more than I love you.

What was that period like for you as a mother when you were living without your children?

That was the most traumatic time in my life. To the point where I put up my prayer rug and I started praying and I said, “Lord, I have to get back my children. I cannot move forward and I don’t know where they are.” And so I cried for about two hours. I felt two presence in the room and I felt like a blanket was being put on me to my neck and at that point I had a peace that surpasses all understanding. And I locked in and went to find my children.

I took paralegal courses in the shelter. I learned enough about the law to go to court to file for a divorce, which I got October 6, 2000. I filed a writ of habeas corpus that meant anywhere they found my children, they needed to pick them up and bring them back to me.

What is your relationship with your children today?

As a family, we are completely healed. I couldn’t find a counselor because, unfortunately, at the time, everybody wanted to be famous. They wanted to talk about the D.C. Sniper’s children and myself. So I went to the library, I got a book on counseling and I went to counsel me and my children myself.

I told them that we’re going to only deal with the truth. You can ask me any questions you want about your dad. I would tell you the good, bad, and the ugly, even if it makes me look bad. You cannot use your dad as an excuse for failure. That will not happen. And we will not be held accountable for his actions.

My son is 35, he’s married, his name is John. My daughter, Salena, she’s married. And Taalibah, she is a songstress. Her station is Tolivia and she’s in the documentary as well. But we’re all doing good. We really have healed from it.

What drives your advocacy work today?

I spoke at the community college. This elderly black woman called me over. She had those crutches where they lock onto your wrists. And she said, “I’m just so proud of you.” She said, “you got to promise me you’re gonna keep speaking for us.” I said, “who’s the us?” She said, “those of us who don’t have physical scars, you gotta promise me you’re gonna keep doing that.”

I said, “yes.” Somebody tapped me on my shoulder, I turned around to greet that person. When I turned back she was gone. I ran all over that place, looking for her. I said, “all right, Lord, I guess you gave me my mission. So this is what I’m going to do.” And that’s why I still do it because I made a promise. I continue to speak for us, the 80% of us who do not have physical scars.

What practical advice do you offer to those currently living in silent suffering?

Whatever the abuse, whether it’s physical or not, it is not your fault. There is nothing that you have done that has caused this person to control your every movement, everything that you think or say, trying to take over your life or destiny.

If you’re trying to leave, the first thing I need you to do is go and get a bank account at a credit union or a different bank than where you bank at together. Number two, I need you to go get a new cell phone, a track phone, a burner phone because you’re going to have to go no contact. Number three, I need you to gather all of your important documents, credit cards, IDs, passports, birth certificates, bank statements, whatever that is, that you need to start your life over somewhere else successfully.

Four, if you’re working, take one outfit every other day where it does not cause suspicion to your office. Do not leave it in your truck. It has to be with the office or one trusted friend. You know that friend when you call them and they say, “what are we doing?”

You start to develop your plan. I have a new book that’s coming, I’m Still Standing, that’s associated with this documentary. In the back of that book there’s a safety plan, it’s eight steps. The number eight means transformation, so you are transforming from a victim to a survivor because you’re taking your safety into your own hands.  

Moving in silence, the element of surprise is the best tool you have. Do not put this on social media. Do not tell more than one person. Once you decide to leave, leave.

Hunted by My Husband airs October 28 from 9 to 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Investigation Discovery and streams on HBO Max.